It was on July 4th

This July 4th I feel on shaky ground with my country. I got my fellow classmates attention at dinner with a clink on my water glass. I raised my wine glass for more of a prayer than a toast. Honoring that it was the Independence day of my country, yet I feel less independent than ever. I feel shame and embarrassment for the way that my country is being lead. I offered a prayer that we will not chose war again, that maybe Obama is a glimmer of hope.

There was a time when I would fly my flag on July 4th. That has not happened in many years. Four out of five of my last Independence day celebrations were spent here in Europe. With people from around the world. Seeing our country through their eyes. I don't know where I am going with this, except to say that my heart is heavy as I hear news about a possible attack on Iraq. I want to feel empowered to make change, yet I feel powerless. I want to feel hope for the future, yet I don't want to be let down. And then, if I don't do my best, how will I be able to look at myself in the mirror? Is there power in being willing to do all I can despite the threat of disappointment? Am I willing to give my best, knowing that it could end in hurt? I have spent the last 3 weeks looking at suffering and hopelessness. Is Hope a verb? Does it need action attached to it in order to make it real?

I think for me it does. I am willing to give it a try. To come out of my own political apathy of sorts to see, can little ole me make a difference. And maybe the only difference will be within myself, and that I think will be worth it.

So I commit today to getting on board to make a difference. There was hope in the room when I offered the prayer/toast. Most of the people around the table were from other countries, I was the minority and when I looked around I saw hope in their eyes. Yes we may have had a bit to drink by then, or maybe it was a wish for hope rather than hope itself. I will take it for what it offers me, the momentum to get involved in a bigger way than I have. That is my prayer.