Arriving Home

After over a month of voluntary exhile, I am home. I am grateful that I have the choice to come back home. Grateful for my "Cadillac" of a bed, cozy and kind to my body. Grateful for the perfect cup of coffee that I can make in the morning just the way I like it, the kitties that meow me into my day, my friends who have greeted me with love, gifts of flowers, kind notes and interest in my journey. My blessings are huge.

Countering the settling into the comfort of what I call home is the discomfort of the life I have returned to. It may just be jet lag hanging on. (Still getting tired and turning in early, early for me.) My brain seems to have jumped plane somewhere over the Atlantic, parachuting to an undiscovered island, and insisting on staying in exhile. Today, Friday, is the first day that I have felt that I have enough thought cells to even begin a blog entry, and I arrived home on Monday.

Having made this trek 5 times now, I do have familiarity with the re-entry. Yet when I am in it, I seem to forget. So I am grateful to be taking this moment to reflect so that I can remember what I have experienced in the past. The feeling of coming home and my life not fitting the same as it did. The feeling that I have grown and am unsure how to fit my larger life in my one size smaller template. Making room for myself, stretching, pushing up against the previously built walls is not easy. The walls are made of plaster and have been here for many years. Each year remodeling adds space, and once again I need to get out the jack hammer and begin the demolition stage so that the new construction can begin. I would say that there is an additional factor this year. For the last five months I threw myself so fully into expressive arts, from my three month opportunity to serve at the Monarch School to my doctoral studies and my private practice work and then my full immersion into my Swiss summer studies. And now I have returned and my calendar is empty! Granted, I purposely kept things off my schedule for the re-entry. Yet I can see how having something to come back to would have been helpful.

I am trusting that by next week I will have re-united with my thinking brain. (Just writing this blog has me hopeful!) And ready to begin the demo and construction. In the mean time, I need to offer myself the two day of vacation that I have left, to enjoy them rather than stress about what isn't. Thank you all for taking the time to follow my musings, and for your feedback. The jury is still out for me on the need for humans to be heard and responded to, yet I am clear, that for myself, right now, being heard and responded to by the ones I love most is very important, and very appreciated. I hope I can offer you the same gift.

Check back, there may be more stories coming, like the "severe thunder and lightning storm" my brother and I got caught in and the high school reunion musings. I would like to continue the writing practice that this was intended to kick start....

Many thanks!
Tish